Coach JP on his 50th birthday at the 2024 Spartan Race Kelowna Ultra
Ditching The Dad Bod: A Middle-Age Rebellion Against Decline
Most men don’t wake up one morning and suddenly find themselves out of shape. It creeps in slowly. A skipped workout here, a drive-through dinner there. A few years of desk work, long commutes, kids’ activities, and late-night Netflix, and before you know it, you’re carrying an extra fifteen pounds and wondering when climbing the stairs started leaving you winded.
You tell yourself it’s just part of getting older. That you’re busy. That you’re doing your best. And you probably are. But somewhere along the way, the man who used to feel strong, fast, and capable starts to fade. The one who could throw the ball for hours, carry all the groceries in one trip, or sprint up a flight of stairs without thinking about it has been replaced by a version who hesitates, calculates, and feels... tired.
That’s the trap so many of us fall into, sliding quietly into the Dad Bod.
It’s not just about weight. It’s about capability and the quiet loss of identity that comes when you stop feeling physically competent in your own body.
When Capability Fades, Identity Follows
We like to think that we can separate our bodies from who we are. But the truth is, capability shapes confidence. When your body can’t do the things your mind still expects it to, something inside you disconnects.
It’s not vanity. It’s a sense of self. The feeling that you’re still the kind of person who can handle what life throws at you.
For many men, that disconnection happens quietly in the background. Life gets busy, priorities shift, and suddenly the energy that used to go toward training or sport is spent on work deadlines, mortgage payments, and ferrying kids to hockey or dance. You tell yourself it’s temporary. That once things “settle down,” you’ll get back to it.
But life rarely settles down.
And as the years roll on, the gap between who you were and who you’ve become widens. You still think of yourself as that fit twenty-something who could eat anything and recover overnight, but the mirror and your joints tell a different story.
The danger isn’t just physical decline. It’s the creeping resignation that follows. “I guess this is just what happens when you get older.” “I don’t have time like I used to.” “My body just can’t handle that anymore.”
Those statements feel true because they’re familiar. But they’re not inevitable. Capability doesn’t disappear because of age. It disappears because it’s neglected.
The good news? You can get it back.
JP in the pre "Coach JP" days, at 32 years old
The Wake-Up Call at 30
My own turning point came more than twenty years ago.
At the time, I was working as the IT guy in a law firm, long hours, little movement, and far too many buffet lunches at Golden Dragon or Passage To India. One afternoon, I realised I was out of breath after climbing the two flights of stairs from the main floor to the second. Not a sprint, not a workout, just stairs.
A few weeks later, Raina and I found out we were expecting our first child. And that’s when it hit me: I didn’t want to be the dad sitting on the sidelines while my kid played. I wanted to be in it, running, playing, chasing, teaching. The thought of not being able to keep up terrified me more than any workout ever could.
Around that same time, I met my friend Suki and started training in martial arts with him. He was only a year younger, but the gap in capability between us was massive. Watching him move was like looking at the kind of athlete I used to imagine I was... fast, strong, agile, confident. I wanted that again.
That was the line in the sand. Past experience told me I wouldn't stick to it on my own, so I started working with a trainer across the street from my office, lifting weights and learning the basics of movement again.
I’d been mostly sedentary since about nineteen, aside from the odd burst of activity. Combine that with my love of food, and, well, let’s just say the picture at thirty wasn’t flattering.
From there, things evolved. I rediscovered my natural fast-twitch, explosive side. Then came a heavy strength phase, where I worked up to a more-than-double-body-weight deadlift with no belts or straps. After that came Spartan Races and the chase for all-terrain, all-modality fitness. And more recently, trail running and endurance work that push me further than I ever thought possible.
Now, at fifty-one, I’m fitter and more capable in nearly every way than I was at thirty. Sure, there are more aches and pains (it’s not the age, it’s the mileage...LOL), but every sore muscle has a story behind it.
The point isn’t that you have to follow my path. It’s that your story doesn’t end when life gets busy. It just changes chapters.
What Really Changes With Age, and What Doesn’t
There’s no denying that certain things shift as we get older. Recovery takes longer. Hormones fluctuate. Sleep quality can dip. And yes, our metabolism slows slightly. But “slightly” is the key word.
The bigger issue isn’t metabolic decline, it’s behavioural drift. Most men eat the same way they did in their twenties but move far less. That’s a recipe for gradual weight gain and a downward spiral in energy, mood, and sleep.
The good news is, most of that is reversible.
Muscle is metabolically active tissue. Keep it, and your metabolism stays strong. Lose it, and things start to slide. The simplest way to offset that natural slowdown is to lift, move, and eat with intention.
You don’t need to train like an athlete. You just need to stimulate the body enough to remind it what it’s for. Purposeful strength work a few times a week, paired with daily movement such as walking, hiking, or yard work, makes a huge difference.
Nutrition doesn’t need to be complicated either. It’s mostly about awareness:
Prioritise lean protein to maintain muscle.
Keep portions of starchy carbs and fats in balance with your activity levels.
Be mindful of liquid calories and late-night grazing.
This isn’t about restriction. It’s about matching your intake to your output so your body stays in rhythm.
If you want a deeper dive into how that works, check out How to Eat Like a Man for an honest, practical look at fuelling strength, heart, and hormones through mindful eating.
And for the training side, pieces like Never Too Old to Lift and Strength After 40 are a good place to start.
The real magic comes when you integrate recovery and adaptability into the plan, rather than treating them as optional. I explore that balance of stress, effort, and repair in What Counts as Hard Work — a reminder that the goal isn’t punishment, but progress.
Avoiding the All-or-Nothing Trap
When men finally decide to “get back in shape,” the most common mistake is to overcorrect. They dive back in like they’re still twenty-five, same intensity, same volume, same bravado, and the body, which hasn’t been conditioned for years, fights back.
Pulled hamstrings. Aching knees. Tweaked backs. Motivation gone before momentum ever builds.
The truth is, your physiology doesn’t care about your ego. It cares about adaptation. And adaptation takes patience.
Training smarter, not harder, is the way forward. That means starting where you are, not where you wish you were. Build a foundation before you load it. Focus on movement quality before chasing intensity.
Think of it as renovating an old house. You wouldn’t start by repainting the walls if the foundation was cracked. You’d shore it up first. The same principle applies to your body.
The key isn’t to do everything at once. It’s to do the right things consistently.
That’s where flexible structure becomes powerful. I wrote about that approach in A Plan Is Not a Prison, and about the mindset that keeps you adaptable when life gets messy in Real Discipline Is Adaptable. Both concepts are essential if you want to avoid the burnout that comes from swinging between all-in and all-out.
You don’t need to be a bodybuilder or a marathoner. You need to be a capable human.
How to Rebuild Strength and Energy That Last
The first step is simple: move more, every day. It doesn’t have to be fancy. Start with purposeful walking, the cornerstone of what I call Baseline Activity. Brisk enough that your heart rate rises and you can still talk, but not sing.
Next, layer in strength training two or three times per week. Focus on compound movements: squats, hinges, pushes, pulls, carries. Master your own bodyweight before worrying about big numbers.
Add in mobility work, not the half-hearted stretch at the end of a session, but intentional, joint-specific movement that keeps you supple and pain-free.
Then there’s the engine work: cardio. Most men default to extremes, either all-out intervals or nothing at all. The missing middle is where the magic happens. Low-intensity, steady effort that builds endurance without frying your nervous system.
I talked about that balance in The Missing Zones: Why Easy Cardio Isn’t a Waste of Time, and about why our training should look more like real life in Moving Like a Human.
To bring it all together, it helps to think like a generalist. In Train Like a Generalist, I explain why building broad, versatile capability across multiple movement patterns and energy systems creates resilience for life, not just performance in the gym.
The goal isn’t to punish your body for the years you’ve missed. It’s to reconnect with it. The more capable your body becomes, the more freedom you have to engage with the world, whether that’s playing with your kids, climbing a mountain, or just feeling good in your own skin.
And that’s where example comes in. Your kids watch how you live, not just what you say. When they see you prioritise movement, they learn that being active isn’t a chore; it’s normal. When they see you eat mindfully but still enjoy food, they learn balance. When they see you make time for your health, they learn self-respect.
Me and my most important people!
The Payoff, and the Point
The payoff of this kind of training isn’t just physical. It’s emotional.
When you move better, you feel better. Your patience improves. Your energy stabilises. Your stress tolerance expands. The world feels more manageable because you’re no longer fighting your own biology.
You become more reliable at work, at home, and for yourself. You start saying yes to things again: hikes, trips, games, challenges. You stop opting out.
That confidence doesn’t come from abs or PRs. It comes from consistency. From keeping promises to yourself and rebuilding the quiet pride that comes from being capable.
I’ve seen this happen countless times in my clients, and I’ve lived it myself. It’s not a straight line. There are setbacks, detours, and days where everything aches. But each time you show up, you prove to yourself that you’re still that guy, maybe older, maybe a bit creakier, but stronger in every way that counts.
Ditching the dad bod isn’t really about looks. It’s about what happens when men start showing up for themselves again, and how that choice ripples outward to the people they love.
Reclaiming strength isn’t selfish. It’s leadership. It’s showing your kids, and your peers, that it’s never too late to start caring again.
Your family doesn’t need you to be perfect. They need you to be present, capable, and engaged.
Because at the end of the day, the real legacy you leave isn’t measured in muscle or mileage. It’s measured in example.
Why Movember Matters
As I write this, it’s Movember, a month dedicated to men’s health, physical and mental. I’ve committed to the Move for Mental Health challenge, aiming for at least 300 km this month (hopefully a LOT more!) to raise awareness and funds for men’s health initiatives.
As of this morning, I’ve logged 173 km, but only raised $535 of my $2,500 goal. If you’d like to support the cause, you can do so here:
👉 Donate via Facebook or through my MoSpace page.
Every dollar raised helps fund research and programs for prostate and testicular cancer, mental health, and suicide prevention. And every conversation started helps chip away at the silence that still surrounds these issues.
So if this piece struck a chord, please consider sharing it, donating, or simply checking in on a friend. Movement and conversation are both part of the cure.
Ready to start reclaiming your own strength, energy, and confidence?
👉🏻 Download your free 30-Day Fat Loss Blueprint — a practical guide to help you kick-start your nutrition, training, and lifestyle habits for sustainable results. It’s built for busy people who want to look, feel, and perform better, without extreme diets or punishing workouts.