High Performer, Harsh Critic: When Success in One Area Feeds Self-Doubt in Another
There’s something I see often in the people I work with — and maybe you’ll recognise it in yourself.
From the outside, you’re a high-achiever. A leader. A fixer. The one who shows up, handles the hard stuff, gets the job done. Senior management, partner, founder — whatever your title, people rely on you. And you deliver.
But when it comes to your fitness, your eating habits, or how you feel in your own body… you don’t feel successful. You feel behind. Frustrated. Maybe even ashamed.
And because you are a high performer in most other areas, the internal pressure you put on yourself here? It’s suffocating. You tell yourself:
“I should have this figured out by now.”
“Why can I lead a team of fifty, but I can’t stop eating chips after work?”
“If I can’t get this right, what does that say about me?”
The self-judgment is loud. And relentless.
This article is for you.
The Identity Trap of High Achievement
Most high performers build their identity around competence. When you’re constantly relied on — and you’re used to succeeding — failure feels not just uncomfortable, but threatening.
So when you struggle in a different area of life, especially one that’s deeply personal like your health or body image, the gap between your internal expectations and your current reality feels unbearable.
And the response, almost instinctively, is to fill that gap with self-criticism.
“I know better. I should do better. So why am I still screwing this up?”
That should is the warning sign. Because it usually signals that your inner critic has taken the wheel.
“I Know What to Do… I Just Don’t Do It”
I hear this all the time:
“I know exactly what I *should* be eating.”
“I know I should be exercising.”
“I had healthy meals prepped, but I got stressed and reached for junk instead.”
This doesn’t mean you’re broken or weak. It means you’re human.
But when high performers slip — even slightly — the self-talk can turn brutal:
“I’m lazy.”
“I’m weak.”
“I’m a bad person.”
“If I can’t even stick to this, what kind of example am I setting?”
You’d never say that to someone else. But you say it to yourself without hesitation. Because success in other areas has taught you that the bar is perfection. And anything less than that feels like failure.
The Overcorrection Spiral
When high performers mess up, they often react with a sense of urgency — doubling down, going all-in, getting “back on track.”
That might look like:
Starving yourself to “make up for” a binge
Hitting the gym for a punishing, two-hour sweat session
Going ultra-clean with food, no exceptions, no fun
Setting unrealistic goals like “I’ll work out every day for the next month”
In the short term, it feels like control. Discipline. Momentum.
But what you’re really doing is swinging the pendulum the other way — and setting yourself up to crash again. That second crash tends to hit harder. And every time it happens, the voice in your head gets a little nastier.
“See? You always fail at this.”
“This is just who you are.”
And that belief — that this is the one area where you’ll never succeed — starts to solidify.
You Are Not the Problem. The Pattern Is.
You’re not failing because you’re lazy, or undisciplined, or weak.
You’re stuck in a loop where every mistake feels like a moral failing — and every attempt to fix it is too extreme to last.
This isn’t a willpower issue. It’s a pattern issue.
And here’s the good news: patterns can be changed.
Perfect Is an Illusion — and a Liar
One of the most important truths I can share with clients — especially those who hold themselves to impossible standards — is this:
Fuck perfect.
Perfect is an illusion. No matter how well you do, you can always imagine doing better. You can always find something to criticise. Perfect doesn’t lead to excellence. It leads to burnout.
What matters isn’t avoiding mistakes — it’s how you respond to them.
Did you have a rough day?
Did you skip your workout, or order takeout, or finish a bag of cookies standing at the counter?
OK. That happened. So what now?
Kindness Isn’t Weakness — It’s What Gets You Moving Again
The shift isn’t about trying harder. It’s about choosing a different response when things don’t go to plan.
Instead of berating yourself, try this:
Recognize and acknowledge what happened
Notice how you feel about it
Let yourself feel the frustration, guilt, or embarrassment — without marinating in it
And then… move forward
In our course and in my 1:1 coaching, we often talk about the RAIN process:
Recognise. Accept. Investigate. Non-identify.
It’s a way of naming the moment and taking your power back — without letting the moment define who you are.
You don’t have to let one bad choice become a bad day, or a bad day become a bad week.
You can pause. Breathe. Choose differently.
And that choice? That’s where real progress begins.
High Performers Aren’t Failing — They’re Just Misapplying Their Strengths
Here’s what most high achievers don’t realise at first:
The drive, standards, resilience, and problem-solving ability that make you successful in your career?
They’re the same traits that will make you successful in your health and personal goals.
You just need to stop turning them against yourself.
Final Word: There Is Nothing Wrong With You
Struggle doesn’t mean failure.
It doesn’t mean weakness.
And it doesn’t mean you’re not cut out for this.
It just means you’re human — with a brain that’s used to running hard in one direction, and hasn’t learned (yet) how to shift gears.
But you CAN learn.
You CAN shift.
And you CAN grow.
Not by aiming for perfect.
But by showing up with self-awareness, compassion, and quiet consistency — the same way you show up everywhere else that matters.